Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
