That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
there is glitter all over my balls
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
