please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
