i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
