how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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