Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
