There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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