i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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