I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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