I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
