glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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