He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
