just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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