My first STD was from a foam party
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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