He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
