Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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