i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
