the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
