he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drake has all the answers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
