so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
