I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
