tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
