never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
whose ass print is on the piano?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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