i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
