Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
