Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
