I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
