Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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