If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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