I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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