Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
