My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
