Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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