he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
