It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
