Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
