just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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