I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
