She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
