i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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