that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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