Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
