Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
