(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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