My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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