If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
