Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
