the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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