i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
