in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
