It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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