I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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