I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
