Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
